A call from dad...

So if you read my last entry I was telling you about how I found out that my dad went to jail and that I blamed it on his girlfriend. After my sister told me he had went to jail and was facing up to 4 years, he called, perfect timing. I just started to ball my eyes out, I was so mad at everyone by this point, I was literally the last to know about this.

Yeah I yelled because I mean he at least owed me the truth, he could have told me instead of me expecting to see him, I haven't seen him for about atleast 4 or 5 months prior. It just hurts to have to find out right before Christmas and right before our familys Christmas party. He apologized multiple times and now I understand why he didn't tell me, it has always been that way with him, he never told me anything that was going on if it was bad and had to do with him. I love that about my dad but I just wish that he would let me know when serious things happen, like this.

So we go to the Christmas party after doing some retail therapy, it helps seriously. I have to ask something...have any of you walked into a room and knowing that everyone knows whats going on but isn't sure if they should say something so they walk on glass when talking to you? Yeah talk about awkward even around my family! My aunt Lori is the first person to say something and I break down, all I can think about is this must be a bad dream right now, but it isn't. We talk for awhile and I get it off my chest and just try and move on from it all, and just to make this even better Becky, my dads girlfriend, was coming. I told her that I wasn't ready to talk to her at all so I wanted to stay far away as possible, we agreed that I would give her a look if I needed to get away from her. If I only knew what was about to happen that night, I probably would have staied home.

This is where a line is drawn between my dads family and Becky, where my sister and I's only goal is to get her out of my dads life. As the night goes on I'm slowly getting it off my head, my dad called once and I got to talk to him, yes I cried again, but I was just happy to hear him. Then low and behold Becky shows up and I tried to avoid her as long as I could then she wanted to talk...ugh all I could think about is how I wanted to yell at her and tell her to go away! So she started rambling on about how we all need to "stick together in this tough time" and to "love one another," and want to know what I said? "Well this wouldn't have happened if he had the right people in his life," yeah that really threw her off. "Well what's that suppose to mean?" she said. "Well he wouldn't have felt the need to drink if the people around him didn't," and all she could say was well your dad loves you blah blah blah, yeah I get it. Luckly my aunt saw me and pulled me away, I was furious.

So basically Becky ended up getting really drunk and what do you know tries to drive! Seriously? are you that dumb? I mean I don't really expect her to be that smart but it's a given to not drive when your boyfriend just got a DUI... My sister went to talk to her out side and next thing I know my sister is crying because of something that happened. "She said that dad ruined her life and I am a fuck up just like dad," said Becky, after that I lost all feeling for her, she was nothing to me.


We agreed not to tell our dad giving the fact it would be horrible news for him to hear especially since he is in jail. But of course someone told him and it was almost like he wasn't surprised at all he was just mad we didn't tell him. After that night my dad has been talking about how he needs to be done with her but she is his ride everywhere and someone there with him since my sister and I are can't always be there. Good thing that he gets out in about a month and a half, he says he is leaving her and if not then I won't be in his life, but he is trying really hard to be back in mine and my sisters life. So no matter how much my dad needs her or loves her on the bright side my dad knows my sister and I are more important and that is what really shows me he cares, no matter what.

Lets go for a walk...

The first thing I am going to tell you is about my dad, we are one in the same person and it has its ups...and downs. Trust me I love him either way just sometimes I just wish he would make an effort to come and see me. He has been to one of my birthdays since I moved when I was 8, no dances, no sporting events...nothing. I know its hard but he just gets my hopes up.

So every year my dads side of the family has a Christmas party the weekend before Christmas, I always try and go but this years was not the same. I had rode with my cousin to St. Louis and hadn't talked to my dad almost all week, not normal. Long story short I get there to stay with my sister and she decides to go down to Old Town Saint Charles, so down, I love that place around Christmas time, but anyways we shop around awhile and then she says... lets go for a walk.

Now by this point I still hadn't talked to my dad, no one was talking about him. I just didn't understand, so we walked and she sat me down and said, "something happened to dad." What a great way to start the convo. not only is my mind now going crazy but I always thought my dad was never going to die, but this time seemed very possible. So I of course asked what and she goes on to explain that dad got into some big trouble, thank god he wasn't dead but wait did he kill someone?! Yes, I thought for a short time my dad killed someone, but nope not it either. So she continues to explain to me that our dad could be in jail for up to 4 years for another DUI, I knew my dad HAD a drinking problem but I thought for sure he was smart enough not to drive, I mean he was just on house arrest. I'm balling my eyes out by now, not only the fact that my dad could be serving some serious time but the fact that this is right before Christmas, right before summer (kind of), I'm going to be graduating in a couple years...a lot that he will miss.

So I'm sure your wondering how can I look on the bright side? Well I can assure you I immediately blamed it on his girlfriend, who is crazy! I mean if he didn't have her around he wouldn't have to drink or be around people who do. Well it really doesn't end here cause there is a part two to this that will be my next post, but so far I was blaming this all on her, so the bright side was that SHE WILL BE GONE, or so I think.

The Beginning

Hey everyone! My name is Stephanie and once again I have had to make another blog...yay! Not going to lie, its not my favorite thing to do only because its hard to forcefully write when you have no idea what to write about...but this time is different. Instead of the usual, do something for a week to better your self, its just a blog about something you love.

Well I love my family and friends so this blog will be about mostly my family, maybe throw in a friend here and there, but for the most part my family. A lot has happened with in my family in the last year...enough to write about. And not everything has been horrible that there is nothing positive about it cause that would not work with this blog.

This blog is bluntly about that through out my high school life time I have learned that in order to be happy, you HAVE to look on the bright side. Everyday there will be at least one thing to get you down, so if you were to just look on the bad side you would never be able to cope. So simply enough this is about every bright thing that has to do with from death, heartbreak, and disappointment. Because truly there is a light at the end of every tunnel.